Mom’s Holiday Cards Helping Me in the Second Hardest Time of My Life

Stuart K. Hayashi

I previously mentioned  that much more than I did, my parents placed a lot of emotional priority on the exchange of greeting cards bought from the store. I wasn’t a fan of receiving cards of drawings and writings by a stranger rather than the person who gave me the card. Apparently noticing this in me, my mother added personalized notes to the cards.

Before my mother died, the hardest time in my life had to do with a friend of mine. We had become very close. But my friend had exhibited morbid and self-harming gestures — some of them publicly —and was under the expectation that I play along and act as if it was all safe and fine. On my birthday in 2010, I told my friend that exactly because I cared about her, I would not play along with the pretense that this was safe. My friend called that a tremendous betrayal. To this day, I think I made the right decision. Nevertheless, this situation has haunted me every day since then. In some cards from that day and several years on, my mother alluded to that indirectly. I’m really grateful that my mother was there for me to give emotional support.

This is the card my mother gave me on my birthday in 2010 — the very day I had that difficult conversation with my friend.

The first part that my mother wrote reads, 

Stuart, you’ve always been very precious to us, especially me; I honestly don’t know what I (+ Dad, too) would do without you. You’ve brought a lot of joy and pride into our lives. I love you now and always and really wish you all the happiness you deserve. 

 Love, 

Mom

The second part reads,

With much love, 
Mom + Dad 

Hope you can still be a little happy, if not truly happy today, very soon.

On February 14, 2011, my mother wrote, “Have a Happy Valentine’s Day, if possible.” That, too, was an indirect allusion to what was happening between my friend and me.

 

And I have shown before what Mom wrote to me for Valentine’s Day of 2012.

Stuart— 

 You’re such a good person and son that I wish I could give you all the happiness and everything you deserve. 

 I wish and hope that someday soon you will find love with someone who deserves you. Since I can’t do that for you, please use his toward something that will bring you joy. 

 Happy Valentine’s Day! 

 Love, 

Mom